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Constructive Conflict

There is much to learn in this life about communication. For me in the past, conflict was something to be avoided. But with communication comes conflict. And when done right, communication (and subsequent constructive conflict) can be productive, exploratory, and interesting.

119.001 Conflict - Six steps to constructive conflict 119.002 Conflict - More communication means more conflict 119.003 Conflict - Are you there for me 119.004 Conflict - Choose the right time and place for a difficult conversation 119.005 Conflict - How to start difficult conversations 119.006 Conflict - Is this fight about what you think it’s about 119.007 Conflict - Know what question you want answered 119.008 Conflict - Paraphrase the other person in order to have an efficient conversation 119.009 Conflict - Acknowledge feelings 119.010 Conflict - The 4 sins of conflict 119.011 Conflict - Safe words 119.012 Conflict - Know when to JUST STOP 119.013 Conflict - What’s behind the impasse 119.014 Conflict - Memorialize your agreements

Notes: This is a book I picked up because I promised Monique that I would try to find something effective at helping us work through difficult conversations, to lock in and supplement the time we’ve spent with Michele.

Nonviolent communication

This book by Marshall B Rosenberg has been life changing for me. I have become a much better listener, I can resolve conflict faster, I feel more connected to people around me.

I am far from mastering the art of NVC. It is simple on the surface, but mastery means understanding people and their motivations at a deeper level than I am currently capable of.

119.015 NVC - How NVC connects to my life mission 119.016 NVC - NVC helps avoid the 4 sins of conflict 119.017 NVC - How to get what I want even when being screamed at 119.018 NVC - It is difficult for me to put a descriptive word to feelings 119.019 NVC - The steps of outbound NVC 119.020 NVC - The steps of inbound NVC 119.021 NVC - NVC in a single sentence 119.022 NVC - Examples of NVC in action 119.023 NVC - Get what you want by helping them get what they want 119.024 NVC - Don’t take it personally 119.025 NVC - Nobody else is responsible for my feelings 119.026 NVC - Demands move us farther apart 119.027 NVC - Ask the other person if they’re willing to do their part 119.028 NVC - Should and Have To will not be in my vocabulary 119.029 NVC - Avoid criticizing by separating observation and evaluation 119.030 NVC - The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence 119.031 NVC - State observations with specific time and context 119.032 NVC - Do not imply judgement 119.033 NVC - Vulnerability opens up conversations 119.034 NVC - A vocabulary of feelings words 119.035 NVC - State your needs 119.036 NVC - I am not responsible for the emotions of other people 119.037 NVC - Follow up feelings with a clear request 119.038 NVC - Every statement is also a request 119.039 NVC - If it is an important request ask the other person to repeat it back 119.040 NVC - If not sure what another person is requesting just ask them 119.041 NVC - Most other people are not good communicators 119.042 NVC - Translate people’s communication into their needs 119.043 NVC - Intellectual understanding blocks empathy 119.044 NVC - re. Emotional outbursts 119.045 NVC - When paraphrasing be careful with tone of voice 119.046 NVC - Reflecting back is surprisingly effective at creating connection 119.047 NVC - Keep giving empathy 119.048 NVC - Interrupt with empathy 119.049 NVC - The hardest part of communication is staying present for it 119.050 NVC - Am I talking bad about myself - I must have unmet needs 119.051 NVC - Self-forgiveness not self-punishment 119.052 NVC - I choose to …… because I want ….. 119.053 NVC - Escape shame and guilt with open eyes 119.054 NVC - Act out of obligation or duty with open eyes 119.055 NVC - I give up control and agency when I blame others 119.056 NVC - Judging somebody is violence toward them 119.057 NVC - Am I angry - Wake up, your emotions are hijacking your brain 119.058 NVC - Punishing somebody is a terrible way to get what I want 119.059 NVC - When others hear blame they shut down and defend themselves

Effective communication

119.061 Effective - Effective communication