Examples of NVC in action

Nonviolent communication in action: - Felix, when I see two balls of soiled socks under the coffee table and another three next to the TV, I feel irritated because I am needing more order in the rooms that we share in common. Would you be willing to put your socks in your room or in the washing machine? - I am fearful of the use of violence to resolve conflicts; I value the resolution of human conflicts through other means. - Are you feeling hurt because you need more consideration for your preferences? - You know, when you first said that we should bring back the stigma of illegitimacy (O), I got really scared (F), because it really matters to me that all of us here share a deep caring for people needing help (N). Some of the people coming here for food are teenage parents (O), and I want to make sure they feel welcome (N). Would you mind telling me how you feel when you see Dashal, or Amy and her boyfriend, walking in? (R) - Observation, Feeling, Need, Request - I’m annoyed that we don’t have the butter and onions we need for dinner. Would you be willing to go back to the store and get them? - Wife: “You never listen to me.” MBR in role of husband: “It sounds like you’re terribly frustrated because you would like to feel more connection when we speak.” - “It sounds like you’re feeling desperate and would like to find some way of connecting with your son.” Such a paraphrase often encourages a person to look within. - “Are you feeling guilty because you would have liked to have been more understanding of him than you have been at times?” - “So you’re feeling discouraged and want to relate differently to him?” - Are you feeling annoyed and wanting to see a different quality of care? - Are you worrying about how you would feel if he dies? - So you’re sad when you think of living without him? - It sounds like when you think of your daughter, you feel frustrated because you wish you had a different relationship with her. - Are you sad, wishing the two of you could support each other and feel more connected? - Well, now I’m puzzled about what you may be feeling, and wonder if you can tell me. - Are you feeling frustrated because you would like me to admit that there can be other ways of interpreting this matter? - So you’re feeling nervous about how to make arrangements and would appreciate it if your future in-laws could be more aware of the complications their indecision creates for you? - “So you’re feeling furious because you would like him to be around more than he is?” - “So you’re really angry, Mom. You’d like for him to talk when he’s angry and not run off.” - “So you’re feeling fearful and want to protect yourself from being in a situation where you might be judged for how you communicate?” - “So, Auntie, it sounds like you are still feeling hurt, wishing you’d been treated more fairly.” - “I’m sensing that you are frightened and would like to be sure that it’s safe to talk. Is that accurate?” - Are you sad that she’s having to pay so much for her mistake? - Oh, so are you upset she’s paying for something that was your idea to start with? - (translating Bill’s self-judgments into feelings and needs) So you’re sad, and regret what you did because you’d like to be trusted not to do harm? - “I’m feeling sad because I want us to find ways to get respect that don’t turn people into enemies. I’d like you to tell me if you’d be willing to explore with me some other ways to get the respect you’re wanting.” - It sounds to me like you’re angry because you want me to know and recognize who you really are before criticizing you. Is that so?