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Don’t take it personally

When somebody is telling me what I am doing wrong, or stating an opinion that I don’t agree with, don’t take it personally. Their analysis of me (or a situation) is an expression of their own needs and values. Often it has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them.

And the same is true in reverse. When I am annoyed or upset at somebody else, or a situation, this is usually not about them. It is usually about me, and what feeling or need that I’m not receiving. It’s time to intercept the harsh words about to come out of my mouth and talk about my needs instead.

Intimidation, anger, demands, crying. All of these things are just their needs which are not being met. If I can help them unpack this and feel heard, I may be able to help discharge some of the tension and help them get what they want, without giving up what I want.