Home  >  119 Communication  >  119.008 Conflict - Paraphrase the other person in order to have an efficient conversation

If you keep having the same fight over and over, it’s because you’re not learning anything

The first step to learning is to make sure the other person understand what you said, and the only way for them to do this is to paraphrase what you said. And vice versa, during an important conversation, always paraphrase the content and emotion of your partner. Never assume you understand what is being said without checking with the other person, otherwise you might be answering a question the other person didn’t even have! And what good is that going to do anybody?

When you are verifying that you heard the other person correctly, just paraphrase back what you heard and make sure that it is correct. You don’t need to agree or concede a point. You should not repeat what you heard word-for-word, because it is possible to parrot something without understanding it. You need to put it into your own words and reflect the emotion as well.

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