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The steps of outbound NVC

  • Observation: Say what is happening without judgment or evaluation - just say the physical manifestation of what is happening and don’t characterize it as good or bad.
  • Feeling: State how I feel when this happens. Put a word to the feeling - am I hurt, scared, happy, amused, annoyed?
  • Need: Acknowledge the root of this feeling with “because” followed by the reason you’re feeling this way and clearly say what need I have that is connected to the feeling I have identified.
  • Request: Ask the other person if they’re willing to help you fulfill your need