Get what you want by helping them get what they want
I tend to react with defensiveness or annoyance when somebody else is expressing their displeasure about me.
Why is my attention focused on determining why they are wrong instead of listening to and understanding them? Why am I not paying more attention to what they need, but not getting, to make them feel this way?
If what I really want is for the other person to understand me, and my intentions, then the worst way to get it is to validate their own anger/annoyance/lack of attention by doing exactly what they're accusing me of!
The best way to get what I want, almost without exception, is to help them get what they want first. It feels backwards, and it is hard for my ego to accept, but it has proven true over-and-over again.