Blame yourself or blame no one
As a leader I am the one who holds the responsibility for the choices and performance of my team. I am the only one who bears the responsibility for things gone wrong.
Marcus Aurelius wrote: “If it’s in your control, why do you do it? If it’s in someone else’s control, then who are you blaming? Atoms? The gods? Stupid either way. Blame no one. Set people straight, if you can. If not, just repair the damage.”
There are two important lessons here, opposite sides of the coin: 1. For things in my control, I need to be in the details. I want to take the blame for anything that doesn’t go as it should, and I want to be able to take the praise when things do go well (not that I will, in that case I will try to push it back down to the teammates who did it). I wrote about this in my email to myself when starting at VC Lab. 2. For things not in my control, don’t hold any judgement whatsoever - let go of the things you can’t control. There is no point in blaming what is not in your control because you don’t know the circumstances that created the issue/problem in the first place, and you only decrease happiness and agency by worrying about or judging those things.
Source:
- Me
- Daily Stoic email
Graph:
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 107.014.01 Stoic virtues - 1. Wisdom
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 107.018 Philosophy - Stoicism - Time to get to work
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 128.018 Management - Give up control then manage it appropriately
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 119.055 NVC - I give up control and agency when I blame others
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 116.044 Life Lessons - The more you change yourself the more you change those around you
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 133.005 Hiring - Only hire people you want to be around
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 116.095 Life Lessons - The ability to observe without evaluating
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 133.009 Hiring - Can I trust this developer
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 116.117 Life Lessons - The price of a mistake goes up tomorrow
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 119.010.04 Conflict - Sins - Sin 2 - Defensiveness
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 119.010.06 Conflict - Sins - Sin 2 - Avoiding defensiveness
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 119.027 NVC - Ask the other person if they're willing to do their part
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 119.032 NVC - Do not imply judgement
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 119.033 NVC - Vulnerability opens up conversations
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 119.051 NVC - Self-forgiveness not self-punishment
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 119.054 NVC - Act out of obligation or duty with open eyes
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 119.058 NVC - Punishing somebody is a terrible way to get what I want
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 119.059 NVC - When others hear blame they shut down and defend themselves
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 122.03.03 PM Responsibilities - Team success and personal failure
- 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one to 128.009 Management - My performance is measured by the output of my team
- 107.027 Philosophy - Virtue through purpose to 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one
- 107.029 Philosophy - Tolerant with others, strict with yourself to 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one
- 131.009 Leadership - Lift others up even at cost to yourself to 131.007 Leadership - Blame yourself or blame no one